You can write what you want in your blog, because nobody ever reads it anyway

People keep telling me that I'm being incrediby strong and that I'm an inspiration. I feel like a bit of a fraud, because I'm really not that strong, all I'm doing is taking things a day at a time and trying to keep a positive outlook.

I posted something on Arfcom earlier today that gave me pause and I realised that it belonged in my blog that nobody ever reads.

It occurred to me the other day that a few years ago, if you'd told me that I'd have stage IV cancer and be treating it matter-of-factly and with calm practicality, I'd have laughed at you, there's no way I could have forseen myself being able to handle it. But when it happens, it just becomes your reality and you have no choice but to deal with it and it's amazing because it actually starts feeling normal to you. Sometimes I forget and start talking about it to my husband and when I look at him he's almost in tears and then I realise that it's easy for me to say certain things, because I'm in the fight, it's not so easy for other people to hear them. I need to work on that.

My erstwhile mother called me the other day out of the blue... she can't handle it at all. She said she can't imagine what it must feel like. I told her it's like the boogeyman, that monster you're so terrified of that lives in your closet suddenly jumping out of the closet and grabbing you. And then, like in a nightmare, you can't run away, your feet won't move and the only thing you can do is turn and face it and fight like Hell. I told her that in my case, I have the boogeyman by the nuts and am looking him in the eye and telling him "you're going down!".