Okay... I'm done ranting.
I'm aware that I've been on a bit of a rant rampage lately. Sorry about that. I needed to get it off my chest.
It's surprising really, because I'm usually not one to get too hot and bothered about things. Jim was shocked at my reaction to the rude girl yesterday. I'm more the "It doesn't matter" type.
So I admit that this week, my buttons have been pushed - badly - and that I was too exhausted to shrug it off as I normally would. None of it is really 'life or death', but the thing is, I deal with a life or death situation every day and it gets old. And sometimes I just want to scream.
I know this is a process and that I have to work through all of the different phases, I just really want this one to be over now. At first being angry felt good, now it's just draining. I think I'm coming to the end of it.
I wonder what's next...?
It's a journey all right, an insane rollercoaster ride that circles the outer rings of Hell. Stop the merry go round! I want to get off!
I'm laughing at myself as I write this. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. It's making me loopy!!
I think the thing about the anger is, that it felt good while it was on MY terms, but recently having people piss me off, I'm not choosing anger, it's being forced on me, if that makes any sense. It's no fun anymore.
Somebody call the Whaaaambulance.
Oh crap. I hope I don't get whiny again. Angry was soooo much better than whiny.
It's surprising really, because I'm usually not one to get too hot and bothered about things. Jim was shocked at my reaction to the rude girl yesterday. I'm more the "It doesn't matter" type.
So I admit that this week, my buttons have been pushed - badly - and that I was too exhausted to shrug it off as I normally would. None of it is really 'life or death', but the thing is, I deal with a life or death situation every day and it gets old. And sometimes I just want to scream.
I know this is a process and that I have to work through all of the different phases, I just really want this one to be over now. At first being angry felt good, now it's just draining. I think I'm coming to the end of it.
I wonder what's next...?
It's a journey all right, an insane rollercoaster ride that circles the outer rings of Hell. Stop the merry go round! I want to get off!
I'm laughing at myself as I write this. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. It's making me loopy!!
I think the thing about the anger is, that it felt good while it was on MY terms, but recently having people piss me off, I'm not choosing anger, it's being forced on me, if that makes any sense. It's no fun anymore.
Somebody call the Whaaaambulance.
Oh crap. I hope I don't get whiny again. Angry was soooo much better than whiny.
posted by Heather at 10:06 AM
3 Comments:
Hi Heather,
As you can no doubt tell I'm as addicted to reading your blog as I am to bloggin myself. You give voice to what so many people feel, not just cancer survivors, in an honest way that somehow finds the humor admidst the crap. I'm still sending those thoughts out to the universe for you to get some restorative sleep. I'm so sorry you are dealing with insomnia on top of everything else. That's the worse. Your fellow blogger, Carver
"As you can no doubt tell I'm as addicted to reading your blog"
"You give voice to what so many people feel, not just cancer survivors, in an honest way that somehow finds the humor admidst the crap."
I have to second Carvers post! I wish you the very best and please know you have helped me deal with this nightmare I am stuck in....
Heather,
Your honesty in your comments really touches me. You remind me soooooo much of my sister, in terms of your attitude and sense of humor and spunk and being a mom to young kids and dealing with mets. I told my mom about your writings and she suggested that I write you a note to let you know that our family is wishing you and your family all the best. Although each person's journey is uniquely his/her own, I know there are so many people out there who could relate to the types of things you have been sharing and who would be touched by it, as well. I hope you are able to have a nice weekend with your kids, including catching up on some sleep.
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