Finally arrived!!

I got my first spammer! I think that means I've finally arrived on the blogging scene.

I sort of like spammers, they're just dumb enough to make me feel real good about myself even with my impaired mental function. "Nice blog" this one said... Oh thanks, glad you think my brain tumors are nice... It begs the question, I have brain tumors, what's your excuse?

Oyyyyyyyyy......

So... Whole Brain Radiation. Let's talk about that for a bit. Not the technical stuff, because I'm not lucid enough to do that right, but about what it's like.

I know about the possible side-effects. I know that it can lead to memory loss, cognitive issues, hearing problems etc and, well, death. But let's face it, what's the alternative? Don't treat my cancer and then what? Death is a pretty permanent side-effect in any form if you ask me. I'd rather have a chance.

Funnily enough, it's do-able (WBR, not death). I know how scary it sounds, but in retrospect, once again, not a really big deal. I hate to do that to you, sort of want to describe how horrendous it all is and everything. But looking at it, yeah, it's had it's infinitely horrible moments, yet I can't say I wish I wasn't doing this because it's too hard. If you want something badly enough, nothing's too hard.

I mean, my poor little lumpy, burning, sore head is telling it's own story. But is it worse than the itchy, burning chemo foot thing? Nope. My hair is on the fence right now, I'm losing a bit, but nothing major, just being really gentle with it and trying not to scratch. I find myself unable to make a big deal out of this. All you can really do is try to get comfy, put your big girl panties on and suck it up.

I'm having probably more GI issues with this treatment than my liver treatment, and part of that might be the drugs I'm on. I'm losing weight like crazy and simply can't get enough food down me. My doctor had warned me about mouth issues too, from the rads and the meds and yesterday it felt like my mouth was starting to bake a loaf of bread, so Jim got me some Biotene toothpaste and mouthwash last night. I used it one time and the symptoms eased beautifully. Just keeping up with that during the day. Once again; do-able.

I was going to splurge on some Nioxin for my hair, but to be honest, the doctor told me it might be gone in 6-8 days, so I figured that by the time I started using the product, it'd be defunct anyway. Since Jim cut that 10 inches off my hair though, it's so much more comfy and managable and not dropping as fast, day 9 today, so we will see. It's not really important, but has to be mentioned because hair loss is so much a part of being a cancer patient that I'm not going to ignore it. We all have our own methodology of how we deal with it I'm sure. Some people bite the bullet and shave it off, others, like me, hope for the best and nurse it along, I guess.

It's cancer. You do what you have to do to get through this day.

Tomorrow can take care of itself.

Let's face it, cancer is going to screw with your quality of life more than anything you've ever dealt with before. If it's not the stress and anxiety, it's the treatments and the side-effects and trying to find a way to make it all fit so that you can still be you.

By the way, I met more Angels today. People's kindness is astounding, overwhelming... Humbling.