Living with Sasquatch...
That would be moi!
Okay, so my hair is probably not going to last the weekend. At this point, I'm changing my sweater a few times a day because I have so much hair all over me I look like a mammoth. It's really weird. The funniest part is that my eyebrows have grown back in to their fullest and the steriods have given me a bit of a mustache.
Needless to say, I look freaking hideous. Steriod zits, radiation burns, severely thinning hair and a big old hairy moon face, complete with designer black portmanteaux beneath the eyes - not to mention the steriod weight, 'is that twins?' I have to laugh... it's so not important. Just another part of it all. I had the thought to go to the salon tomorrow and have my brows and 'tache done, I might be bald as a billiard ball by Monday, but by God, I'll do it with impeccable eyebrows!
So my ballcap is my best friend right now. I tried a scarf today and looked retarded, it scared the baby too, bless him, then it fell off and wasn't really comfy anyway. Screw it, its my head, if people have a problem with my Grace Jones look, they can just deal with it.
I had to go to Rite Aid this evening to pick up my drugs, because they screwed it all up yesterday. Jim and I were in line and he mentioned something about my cancer, the lady behind us actually stepped back like she thought she was going to catch something. Pretty much all you're going to catch from me is a dose of sarcasm, but I didn't bother to tell her that.
It's strange, because when you're dealing with cancer, it becomes your normal and you tend to forget how scared people can be of the actual word alone. I can't say I blame them. It's a terrifying thing and nobody wants to think about it, deal with it. Not even us, although we have no choice in the matter.
To me, this really is normal now. You make your own normal when dealing with setbacks in life and cancer isn't any different. It sucks, and no, there is no 'reason' it happened to you, no 'higher calling', no 'lesson', no 'gift'.
The thing about it is what YOU do with it once you have it.
It's not up to any higher power, what matters is how YOU handle it, how YOU make it count in your life. Something good from everything, you know? This blows, but if it doesn't work out for me how we hope, I really hope that I can have made something about it count... That's important. At the end of the day, in my opinion, life really just boils down to the person you are. That's all we are left with when things get grim and it's what keeps us going through the rough times.
Whoo! Short blog today because I just took a Lortab (does it show? LOL).
Hair loss? Bleh. Screw you melanoma. Still can't beat me. I have radiation on Sunday because of the short week next week. I told them "good, maybe it'll confuse mel into dying faster".
Okay, so my hair is probably not going to last the weekend. At this point, I'm changing my sweater a few times a day because I have so much hair all over me I look like a mammoth. It's really weird. The funniest part is that my eyebrows have grown back in to their fullest and the steriods have given me a bit of a mustache.
Needless to say, I look freaking hideous. Steriod zits, radiation burns, severely thinning hair and a big old hairy moon face, complete with designer black portmanteaux beneath the eyes - not to mention the steriod weight, 'is that twins?' I have to laugh... it's so not important. Just another part of it all. I had the thought to go to the salon tomorrow and have my brows and 'tache done, I might be bald as a billiard ball by Monday, but by God, I'll do it with impeccable eyebrows!
So my ballcap is my best friend right now. I tried a scarf today and looked retarded, it scared the baby too, bless him, then it fell off and wasn't really comfy anyway. Screw it, its my head, if people have a problem with my Grace Jones look, they can just deal with it.
I had to go to Rite Aid this evening to pick up my drugs, because they screwed it all up yesterday. Jim and I were in line and he mentioned something about my cancer, the lady behind us actually stepped back like she thought she was going to catch something. Pretty much all you're going to catch from me is a dose of sarcasm, but I didn't bother to tell her that.
It's strange, because when you're dealing with cancer, it becomes your normal and you tend to forget how scared people can be of the actual word alone. I can't say I blame them. It's a terrifying thing and nobody wants to think about it, deal with it. Not even us, although we have no choice in the matter.
To me, this really is normal now. You make your own normal when dealing with setbacks in life and cancer isn't any different. It sucks, and no, there is no 'reason' it happened to you, no 'higher calling', no 'lesson', no 'gift'.
The thing about it is what YOU do with it once you have it.
It's not up to any higher power, what matters is how YOU handle it, how YOU make it count in your life. Something good from everything, you know? This blows, but if it doesn't work out for me how we hope, I really hope that I can have made something about it count... That's important. At the end of the day, in my opinion, life really just boils down to the person you are. That's all we are left with when things get grim and it's what keeps us going through the rough times.
Whoo! Short blog today because I just took a Lortab (does it show? LOL).
Hair loss? Bleh. Screw you melanoma. Still can't beat me. I have radiation on Sunday because of the short week next week. I told them "good, maybe it'll confuse mel into dying faster".
posted by Heather at 5:33 PM
3 Comments:
Hi Heather,
Coming to your blog today felt like going from the tower of babel to the voice of reason. I won't say where I came from but I bet you could guess. You have a great gift with words. You truly do. Good luck with radiation tomorrow. Maybe you can get a bunch of fun ball caps if you want to. Personally I think bald with elegant eyebrows is a great image.
Best of luck tomorrow.
As ever, Carver
Heather,
Regarding your comment "What matters is how YOU handle it, how YOU make it count in your life" ...
As you continue to move forward with your fighting spirit, you present an unmistakable GIGANTIC message to your family of your love for them and determination to be with them no matter what it takes. Courage counts, courage presents a lasting message.
Wishing you strength every step of the way,
Erica
11/18/06
Heather,
Reading your blog has been such a privilege. It truly has opened my eyes and made me say "Yes!" You just continually have your finger on the pulse of what is important in life.
You are staying strong and leading by example.
My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.
JMart
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